The holidays can be a joyful time, but when you’re caring for someone living with Alzheimer’s disease, they can also feel like a mounting list of pressures. I remember those years vividly. I was caring for my mother while raising three young children, trying to keep up with school concerts, class parties, gift buying, and social commitments. In my effort to hold everything together—and make it all “perfect”—I often ended up exhausted before the season even began. If you feel that same pull, please know you’re not alone, and you don’t have to carry it all the way I once tried to.
One of the most important lessons I learned was this: high expectations will sink you faster than any to-do list. The holidays will never look exactly the way they used to, and that’s okay. Letting go of perfection and choosing to go with the flow isn’t giving up—it’s creating space for something more realistic and far kinder to everyone involved, including you.
Simplify and set boundaries early.
When you’re juggling caregiving and family life, the calendar can quickly become overwhelming. Before you make plans, pause and ask yourself what is actually manageable. It’s okay to decline invitations, shorten visits, or skip events that feel draining. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Your energy is finite—and protecting it is essential for your well-being and your loved one’s comfort.
Approach activities with practicality, not sentimentality.
Holiday traditions may need adjusting, but adaptation doesn’t have to be sentimental or overly symbolic—it just has to work for your loved one’s current abilities. For example:
· If your loved one can no longer follow multi-step tasks, choose simple, low-pressure activities—looking through old holiday photos, listening to familiar songs, or helping with an easy, single-step task like placing napkins on a table.
· Keep gatherings small or choose quieter times of day when they’re more alert and calm.
· If you notice restlessness, confusion, or irritation, don’t push through it. A quick break, a quiet room, or ending the activity early is perfectly fine.
These practical adjustments aren’t about lowering joy—they’re about reducing frustration for both of you.
Accept what’s no longer possible—and give yourself permission to enjoy what still is.
There came a point when taking my mother to big family dinners wasn’t feasible. At first, I felt guilty leaving early or skipping altogether. But I eventually realized that forcing old traditions only created stress. It was far healthier to accept the limitations of the moment and build new routines that worked better.
And here’s an important truth many caregivers struggle with: you are allowed to have moments of joy separate from your caregiving role. Go to your child’s winter concert. Enjoy a quiet coffee with a friend. Step out for an hour just to breathe. These moments refill your emotional tank, making you more resilient and present when your loved one needs you.
Communicate openly and ask for support.
Let family and friends know what’s realistic this year and where you could use help. Most people want to support you—they just need a clear path.
The holiday season doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. With lower expectations, practical adjustments, and permission to care for yourself, you can create a gentler, more manageable holiday—one that honours both your loved one and your own well-being.
Written by Mrs. Claire Webster, Caregiver Crosswalk and the McGill University Dementia Education Program
